Which awful word will win the race to mean ‘group selfies?’

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LG’s upcoming phone — the V30, which sounds like an upmarket brand of hair conditioner — will apparently come with a really good set of cameras. Speaking about its front-facing snapper in a press release, the tech giant said:

 “The camera in the V30 cuts edge distortion by a third compared to the V20 when capturing wide angle shots, making it ideal for group wefies, spacious interiors and expansive landscapes.”

I just vomited a little. Did they really say ‘wefies?’

Yes. Yes, I’m afraid they did, proving once and for all that no matter how many people Samsung set alight, I still won’t hate them as much as their other South Korean rival.

Unfortunately, LG aren’t pioneers in the field of bullshit imaginary tech jargon to describe taking a picture with your mates. There’s some stiff competition.

A few years ago, Huawei touted the “groufie” credentials of its Ascend P7 smartphone, going so far as to trademark the word. The Wall Street Journal even wrote a piece about how Huawei was counting on “groufies” to increase its share of the U.S. smartphone market.

The Ascend P7 ultimately was a triumph for the company. Huawei managed to shift an impressive 10 million units. But this wasn’t because of groufies (oh fuck, I said it again), but rather because it was a half-decent phone that offered good value for money.

Unfortunately, the Fourth Estate is equally guilty of inventing bullshit terms. The Associated Press pitched its cart to “Usie,” but is seemingly so embarrassed, it has since deleted the blog post proclaiming it. The Daily Dot, Business Insider, and the Daily Mail have all also used the term at some point.

There’s no consistency when it comes to spelling, however, with Buzzfeed writing it ‘ussies’ in the headline of a 2014 article.

The end result is that in 2017 — almost seven years after the launch of the first iPhone with a front-facing camera — there isn’t a single consistent word to describe a group selfie.

So, thanks to the magic of Twitter polls, we’re going to pick the least bad. There are four different options, each awful in their own special way.

Over to you, folks.

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